After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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