all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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