I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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