So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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