He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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