If that was your dad, he is hot
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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