Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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