Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This is my gift to your gina
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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