I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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