hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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