drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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