hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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