i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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