I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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