one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize