this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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