There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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