i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize