paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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