We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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