Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Text me some of your sweat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize