She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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