I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize