boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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