dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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