I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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