don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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