she woke up with a sticky ear
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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