Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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