Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Your dad touched me again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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