yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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