I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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