I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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