Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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