Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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