so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize