i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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