The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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