i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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