whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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