My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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