she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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