New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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