There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize