biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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