I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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