Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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