Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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