ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize