I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize